Sex therapist Dr. Krisztina Hevesi, who is also a senior lecturer at ELTE PPK, was one of our guests at the latest FUNZINE Talks held on 17 January at Akvárium Klub. The event unfolded around past and present relationships as well as the effects of the digital world on them. Krisztina has qualifications in sports psychology, health recreation and sex therapy. Let’s see what she thinks about the ever-changing relationship models.
How has social media influenced our relationships?
It is an illusionary world full of beautiful, happy people, which has an impact on our mood, life satisfaction and relationships. Compared to the photos uploaded on social media, our partner may seem pale: she can’t always look like as she does on her retouched profile picture. In this world, we can create any identity we long for: our retouched pictures will gain hundreds of likes, but we can even lie about our romantic nature and literacy with the proper quotes of poems.
Does social media make it harder for us to let go of our exes? Is it childish behaviour if we remove them from our friends?
As studies show, we delete them to stalk them from our friends’ profiles. I think it is more mature if we unfollow them, blocking all the information they share or are engaged in, as it is common to feel strange, watching our exes’ pictures and life events in our news feed. Deleting them implies a sense of resentment: since he or she was the part of our lives, it is quite a paradox to unfriend them, even on social media.
What do you think about online dating?
It is the realism of present times. Half of our lives happen in the virtual space anyway. Online dating has a bunch of downsides – it is not a coincidence that twice as many couples, who live in happy relationships now, started off their romance offline than those who met online. However, I recommend my single patients to register on an online dating platform, since this way they increase the chance of finding love.
Tinder is often referred to as a meat market. Can we find true love on a platform like this? How is it possible to filter out those who only want sex but don’t say so?
One third of Tinder users register in hope of a long-term relationship. If you’re one of them, start to be suspicious if your match takes several steps at a time, talking about going on a summer holiday together, sharing all the details of his/her life with you, even though you’re still strangers. It may as well be a trick to get you in his/her bed.
Do you think women can message first or is it awkward?
Men like women who start the conversation if it’s just a one-night stand. As for long-term relationships, men prefer to court and work for their success. It is like winning the gold medal on the Olympics: the winner wouldn’t be so proud of his medal if he got it without training and competing hard for it.
Do independent single women scare men away or is it just something that they say to themselves?
I think an independent woman attracts men. What is not attractive but concerns many females is being masculine at work – even more like men. There are several skills women are better at. These should be emphasized, keeping their femininity at the same time.
What do you recommend to single men and women when it comes to dating? And to those who live in a relationship?
Seize every opportunity to meet new people, including festivals, programs and apps. If you meet people online, don’t rush into dates in person right away, because it can be disappointing after a while, but don’t wait too long either. For those who have already found their other half, don’t let the online illusions tear your relationship apart! Social media is a fictional world, value the person who actually shares his/her life with you instead.
Would you like to watch the video on the event? Check it out below!
